Why is that social norms seem to vanish around pregnant women?

 

A few weeks ago, someone work came up and asked me, "So how much weight have you gained?" I know they didn't mean to be rude.. but come on.. really? Weight is a weird thing. It's a number that people like to keep private unless they are seeing a trend of a decreasing number.. and even then they usually just share the number thats been decreased not the new number of their weight. Social norm: unless you are a doctor, nurse, or work at the DMV, you don't ask someone how much they weigh. And here is the shocker ladies and gentlemen.. the same principle goes when a lady has a baby in her tummy. I'd even say, especially when a lady has a baby in her tummy! Yes, we are aware that we are gaining weight and look huge. Yes, we know that it is a legitimate and necessary time to be putting on the pounds. But chances are, that number on the scale is bigger than we've ever seen before and regardless of the reasons, no one likes a big number.

Yesterday, my tall, thin, beautiful sister-in-law announced in Relief Society that she is expecting her second baby! The lady next to her leaned over and said, "I wasn't going to say anything, but you haven't been looking as skinny as you normally do." Again, I realize this wasn't meant to be some malicious jab.. but people.. you're killin' me! Nobody wants to hear that! Of course we know that physical changes are part of the package, but self image doesn't just disappear for nine months. Many women have difficulties with self-esteem as it is and it certainly doesn't get better when you add a gargantuan stomach, stretch marks, growing feet, swollen ankles, and acne to the mix.

So here's a good rule of thumb.. if you wouldn't say it normally, don't say it to a pregnant woman.

If you really want to comment, here are some more acceptable options:

-Tell her she is "glowing" or "radiant."

-Mention how the baby is growing and getting bigger (rather than the mom.)

-The word "bump" described as "cute" "darling" or "perfect."

-Someone told me I had "blossomed" and I thought it was sweet.

 

WHATEVER YOU DO.. LEAVE OUT WEIGHT AND SIZE!

Crossed paths: How it all began

Some love stories start "Once upon a time.." others with love at first sight. Ours was a little different..

We met in 2006 when the Provo High basketball team and cheerleaders went on a trip to Fort Lauderdale, Florida for a tournament. ---

...
KEVIN: Ali first caught my eye on our first night in Florida. I thought she was really cute so, as any high school boy would, I flirted with her. I didn't really intend to pursue her though because she was so much younger than me.
...
ALI: I was pretty shy and so was thrilled when one of the cute senior boys started talking to me. I felt really comfortable around him right off the bat and I loved talking with him but... I had my eye on a different basketball boy during the trip.

Throughout the rest of that school year we remained friends. We had our own inside jokes, flirted just a tad here and there, hung out in groups a time or two but not much beyond that. Kevin graduated and went onto college life at BYU while Ali remained at Provo High.---

...
ALI: We may have exchanged texts a few times.. though honestly once he had graduated, I really didn't give him any thought at all.
...
KEVIN: One day Ali and I were texting and she mentioned she was having a rough day so I wrote her a poem to cheer her up. Once, I went to her house to hang out with Kristin,her older sister. We played poker with her dad and brother and that night I ended up telling Kristin I'd always had a crush on Ali. To this day, Ali doesn't remember either of those events.


In 2009, Kevin went on his mission to Paris, France. Ali graduated high school and then started college at BYU. Years passed without any contact or thought of each other at all.

The next time we saw eachother was May 12, 2011; just weeks after Kevin had returned home from his mission. We were both dropping off our younger siblings at the same place at the same time and as our cars briefly passed we simply exchanged quick glances.
...
KEVIN: I noticed Ali and thought to myself "I need to see what she is up to these days!" Naturally, I looked her up on facebook right away and decided to send her a message asking how she is and to suggest we get together sometime.
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ALI: I thought, "Hey! I think that was Kevin Holcombe." Didn't think much beyond that until I got his facebook message. So I sent a response briefly updating him on my life, agreed with his proposition to do something and gave him my number.

Once, again time passed. Kevin dated a girl he knew from his mission for a little while. Ali was also dating around. We didn't have contact with eachother for a couple months until...---

...
ALI: I got another facebook message from Kevin.. more or less saying the same thing the first one did and suggesting we do something soon. I knew I already gave him may number a few months ago but not wanting to make a big deal that he never called me, pretended I had forgotten and just gave it to him again. This time he didn't botch it..
...
KEVIN: So we set up a date! I thought it would be really fun but was a little nervous that it would potentially be awkward. We hadn't really seen each other since high school and a lot can change in that long of a gap. Hopefully she would't think I was weird for really wanting to see Winnie the Pooh.

Ali was up in Salt Lake a ton because her brother had just had surgery and was at Primary Children's. So Kevin drove up to take her out and get her a break from the hospital for a few hours. For our first date we went to dinner at the Gateway Mall, walked around updating each other on life and just getting to know eachother again, then went to see the new Winnie the Pooh movie.

...
KEVIN: My thoughts of it being awkward were luckily completely wrong. Ali was definitely not the same 15 year old version I previously knew but the change was all good. The date went really well! So well in fact, that I made sure to save our ticket stubs in case things went further in the future and we wanted to keep track of everything we did together. There may be some dating code somewhere that advizes against this but I didn't care... I asked her out again the very next day.
...
ALI: I was super impressed that he was willing to drive all the way up to Salt Lake just to see me. Before he picked me up I was really nervous. When I walked out of the hospital and saw him getting out of his car I got a pleasant surprise. That cute high school senior I remembered had turned into an extrememly attractive man. Wow he looked so hot. It was just like our Florida trip five years earlier in that I instantly felt comfortable with him! Conversation came easy and he was such a gentleman. Little did he know that I come from a big time Disney loving family and thought it was darling that he took me to see Winnie the Pooh. Did I mention he looked really hot? Date #1 was a success and I looked forward for more to come.

After that, we saw each other nearly everyday. Kev was hooked from the beginning. Ali took a little longer to decide she wanted to date exclusively but after a few weeks, it happened. And from there, it didn't take long for things to progress further..